ACCEPTANCE AND SURRENDER

By the seventh day, everything was created and put into shape and order. And G‑d rested on the seventh day and He glorified it as a day of rest. Therefore we should work for six days and rest on the Seventh day, Shabbat, which G‑d blessed and sanctified for all time to come. By observing the Shabbat day, we show that we believe in G‑d as the Creator of the world.

I’m learning the art of acceptance and surrender.

Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships.

This is true in love, in friendships, with family, and on the job.

The relationship I’m focusing on now is one within me.

Sometimes I’m kind to myself. I practice self care. I remind my inner, wounded child that she’s loved. I walk along the marina, basking in the warmth of the sun and soaking in the beauty of the water.

I tell myself aloud that I’m okay. The fear isn’t real. The insecurities aren’t needed. I’m enough.

But there’s another part of me, too. She isn’t as kind. She berates me for not putting away the laundry fast enough and leaving it in piles on the couch. She gets frustrated that I didn’t do enough work or bring in enough money. She tells me I should have devoted more time to my children, that I’m failing them.

She sees all the perceived flaws and focuses on each one.

I’m so used to hearing her that she seems, at times, like an inescable part of me. But I have chosen to end my relationship with her, my inner critic.

Endings and changes in relationships are not easy. But often, as in this case, they are necessary.

Sometimes, we linger in relationships that are dead, out of fear of being alone or to postpone the inevitable grieving process that accompanies endings.

I see this inner critic for who she is — a facade. She’s not the ‘real’ me. And I’m preparing to end this relationship. It won’t be easy. Nothing worth doing is ever easy.

Sometimes, we need to linger for a while, to prepare ourselves, to get strong and ready enough to handle the change.

I know that I should be gentle with myself.

Knowing that a relationship is changing or is about to end is a difficult place to be in, especially when we know the time is drawing near. It can be awkward and uncomfortable, as the lesson draws to a close.

We may become impatient to put closure on it, but not yet feel empowered to do that. That’s okay. The time is not quite right. It’s a process. Something important is still happening.

I trust that I will receive the power and the ability to do what I need to do.

Ending relationships requires courage and faith. It requires a willingness on our part to really take care of ourselves and, sometimes, to stand alone for a while.

Not having my inner critic will mean being alone with the real, raw me. I’m not sure I’ve ever actually known her, at least not since before trauma chased her deep within.

I’m learning to let go of fear, to understand that change is an important part of recovery.

In recovery, we are moving forward in a Divine progression of lessons. We find ourselves with certain people—in love, family, friendships, and work—when we need to be with them. These people, it seems, help us in the journey of accessing our true selves.

I’m ready to feel what life can be like without fear and insecurity.

I will, with G-d’s help, arrive at that place where I can learn, not from pain, but from joy and love.

I will take care of myself and then allow space in my life for others to connect with me.

Today, I accept where I am in my relationships, with myself and others, even if that place is awkward and uncomfortable.

G-d, help me trust that the path I am on has been perfectly and lovingly planned for me.

Help me believe that my inner critic, the one who takes over because the real me is too scared to emerge, is teaching me important lessons. But it’s time to let her go.

Help me accept and be grateful for transitions, for endings, and for new beginnings.

Mindy Rubenstein

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